Turmeric Terror

I read somewhere, I don’t quite recall where, that you can make a refreshing face mask out of yogurt mixed with the spice turmeric.  Well, I was cleaning out the fridge today and found an expired container of Fage.  I scrounged around and found some turmeric from who knows when, mixed the two of them together, and presto!  Cheapo face mask.

I slathered my face in the orange paste and let it harden into the consistency of sunbaked clay over the course of 20 minutes. Then I washed my face.  Or attempted to wash my face.  The mask was pasted on.  After a lot of scrubbing, I brought my face up to the mirror, hoping, nay expecting, to see baby-soft, glowing skin.

Instead I saw screaming, angry red blotches all over my face.  In fact, there was a clear line of demarcation on my forehead where the mask stopped and the unassaulted flesh began.

My face, everywhere the mask had been, was bright, sensitive red.  Oh my god, what had I done?!

I rubbed lotion all over my face to no avail.  The heat, my God the heat!

I doused a washcloth with milk and rested it over my skin, dabbing at the injured flesh.  The milk cooled it down, but the redness was only slightly reduced.

I started thinking of reasons to call in sick to work tomorrow.  I can’t very well tell my boss, “I seared my flesh with a witch’s brew of yogurt and decades old turmeric.”

Eventually, however, the tightness and redness started to simmer down.  And now, 5 hours later, the only traces of my brush with a Phantom of the Opera-like visage, is baby soft, glowing skin.  It just took awhile.

So, lessons learned?

1.  Maybe don’t experiment with home remedies on the most obvious part of  your body.

2.  Maybe don’t leave a mask on your face to the point where you almost need a jackhammer to get it off.

3.  Eat yogurt.  Don’t put it on your face.

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